


Blue

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, Childhood Friends, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Humanstuck, M/M, Marriage, Moving In Together, Secret Relationship, only rated t for karkat's swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 12:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21493933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: Karkat Vantas is trapped in a boring, lifeless marriage, the romance long since faded away to a stale friendship at most. Life is an empty routine, and he thinks he's drowning in it.Until a new co-worker helps pull him from the darkness.
Relationships: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Past John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Terezi Pyrope/Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Blue

Drowning.

He feels like he’s drowning.

Karkat Vantas feels like he’s drowning and he doesn’t know how to save himself.

From an outside perspective, from outside of his perfect house, with the perfect lawn, perfect white picket fence and perfect dog lounging on the sunny porch step, everything looks, well… perfect. He has a wife, and they’re probably going to have kids one day (they’ve got the dog for now); they’re the picture perfect young couple of the neighbourhood. And things have been good, and they’re not awful. But there’s always that dream of something more, something different. Something far off and new and exciting.

Terezi’s great, really she is. Karkat’s been friends with her since the two were kids, sitting with her in the back of every class throughout high school, passing notes when they got separated, and being each other’s dates to school dances even before they started dating. They were always both the odd ones out, the weird kids, the ones that people whispered about in hallways and behind their backs. But they had each other and that was all they ever needed. But having only one friend, and then ending up married to that friend, takes a toll, creates a feeling of day to day mundanity. And as much as Karkat hates to think it… he’s bored.

Every morning, he wakes as the sun rises, drinks a mug of coffee without enough time to let it cool, burning his tongue, chokes on the bitter taste, and then rushes out of the door to get to his shitty job on time. Half an hour later, Terezi does the same, taking her guide dog, Pyral, with her as she goes, and heading off to her job as a lawyer. Every evening, they come home, and eat and watch TV or movies, occasionally discussing their jobs, but mostly sitting in silence. Sometimes she’ll kiss him. He lets her. 

On weekends, Terezi’s taken to going for long walks around the local park with the dog. She’ll be gone for hours, and returns with a multitude of excuses ready: she bumped into a friend, the dog needed a rest before they walked home, the flowers in the park smelt particularly good that day, she was helping a lost child find their parents; the list of lies goes on. But Karkat’s not an idiot, and she seems to forget that she's the blind one, not him. Though she swears she’s just walking the dog, the marks on her neck and the smears of her red lipstick across her face tell a different story. In a way, he’s almost happy for her, for finding someone that makes her happier than this life does for either of them. Almost. But not quite.

When Terezi goes wherever she goes on weekends, Karkat mostly stays at home, catches up on work he’s behind on, stares at the grey walls of their living room until his vision glazes over and his mind wanders away from their apparently idealistic life. Their bedroom is painted red, a colour that Terezi chose because it’s apparently her favourite, despite not being able to see it. It’s ugly, and Karkat hates staring at the walls every morning and night. Occasionally, on the weekend, he thinks about just repainting it and not telling her, often getting as far as to go to the paint shop to pick out colours. He thinks blue would be nice. But he can never bring himself to do it. He’s not in love with Terezi anymore, he knows that much, but he still loves her for the person she is. And if she wants the bedroom walls to be red, then he’ll let her have that.

Eventually, after months of their cycle of boring jobs and boring lives and lying to each other about what they’re doing and how much they know, something changes. Because Terezi, for the first time in years, invites a friend over. And Karkat knows, he just knows, that this is the person his wife is cheating on him with.

Her name is Vriska. And she’s an absolute bitch.

She wanders into their house, drops down onto the sofa without so much as a hello to Karkat, and puts her feet up on the coffee table. She looks perfectly at home there, amongst the stiff couch cushions with soppy, fake-happy quotes embroidered into them. In fact, she looks too at home. Karkat takes one look at her and knows this isn’t the first time she’s been in their house. At least now he’s got an explanation for why Terezi always sounds so pleased when he calls to say he’ll have to stay late at work. He wonders what Vriska thinks of the red bedroom walls. Would she paint over them, if given the chance?

Vriska doesn’t stay for long, an hour or so, but she doesn’t waste a second of that time, her body-language alone telling Karkat that he’s not wanted there. Her arm is around Terezi’s shoulder, like his always used to be when they were young, her head resting on Terezi’s shoulder, her other hand on her thigh. Later, Terezi tells him Vriska’s just a very touchy person. He doesn’t believe that for a second, but accepts the lie with a strained, tired smile and a heavy sigh. 

Then a new man starts at work. It's been two weeks since Terezi’s failed attempt at introducing Vriska as a ‘friend’, and Karkat’s been staring blankly at his computer screen for almost an hour when someone sits down at the desk opposite his that’s been abandoned for as long as Karkat’s worked there.

“Hi!” He says, far too cheerful for that place, especially so early in the morning. Karkat looks up wearily, catches sight of bright blue eyes, wonky buck-teeth and messy black hair, and feels something he hasn’t felt in years.

“Hey,” Karkat finds himself saying, despite himself, “You new?”

“Yeah! I’m John. John Egbert,” he grins. 

“Karkat Vantas,” Karkat replies, and when John reaches out a hand, Karkat shakes it with slightly too much enthusiasm.

He goes home that evening with slightly more energy than usual, head full of the sound of John’s laugh and the words of the few conversations they’d had that day. He makes dinner (Terezi’s still out somewhere, no note or phone call to tell him where), and eats by himself on the sofa, watching endless episodes of Friends until it’s half eleven and she’s still not home. He doesn’t even think to worry, just figures she’s with Vriska, and lets himself fall asleep alone on the sofa a while later. He’s woken in the early hours of the morning by a dog licking his face, and the sound of Terezi hushedly whispering for Pyral to leave him alone. He keeps his eyes shut, pretends he’s still fast asleep, and listens until his wife and her guide dog are both upstairs before he sits up slowly. His back already aches from sleeping there, and he figures he’ll go up once she’s asleep, just to avoid any confrontation. A while later, when he’s sure she’s asleep, he creeps upstairs. Terezi’s curled up in bed, the dog asleep by her feet, hair spread out on the pillows around her, looking almost beautiful as she sleeps, and a sad smile touches the corners of his lips for a brief second. She’s left a lamp on, whether she did that for him or just didn’t know that it was on, he can’t tell, but in the dim light from it he can see a blue lipstick smudge across her cheek. His suspicions confirmed, he gently hushes the dog, who’s waking at the end of the bed, and creeps away back downstairs. A night sleeping on the sofa doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

He leaves the next morning before she even wakes up, leaves a note on the kitchen table saying he’ll be at work until late, and gets to the office early. John’s already there, biting down on his lower lip as he concentrates on something on his computer screen. He jumps a little when Karkat suddenly appears at his side, but smiles and greets him with as much enthusiasm as the day before. The office job doesn’t seem to have managed to dampen his spirits just yet. But it will. It always does.

At lunch, he walks to a local coffee shop that actually sells decent coffee, buys himself one and gets another for John, then walks all the way back to give it to him.

“Thanks, Karkat,” John says with a grin, “You didn’t have to do that.”

Karkat shrugs. “It’s just a coffee, I can afford it.” It’s true. Bills are due next week, but Terezi’s job pays well, and his is good enough. They’ll get by as well as they always do. It’s not perfect, but it’s enough for them.

“Well thanks anyway,” John says, “I owe you one.” He takes a sip of his coffee, glasses slipping down his nose as he smiles dorkily at Karkat over the disposable takeaway coffee cup, and a second later Karkat has to duck down behind his computer screen to stop himself from staring at John’s lips and the way he bites at them. 

It hits him, when he’s walking home a few hours later, that it’s not just that he hasn’t felt this in a long time, it’s that he hasn’t felt this at all before. Not even with Terezi. The two of them had always just assumed they should be together, what with their history and all. They’d never fallen in love, or had any sort of big romantic moment. It had just sort of fallen into place, and they’d both accepted it and gone along with it. And once he starts thinking about it, all Karkat can focus on is how much he wants that. How much he wants to properly fall in love for once. He wonders if it was the same for Terezi and Vriska.

Weeks pass. Things stay the same.

Karkat and Terezi go to work, Terezi goes out at weekends to cheat on him, and Karkat spends his spare time at work hanging with John and hoping he’s not actually falling for this guy like he thinks he is. Karkat starts staying at work late most days, not having any reason to go home, getting more work done, and occasionally just spending hours playing games on his computer. Eventually, though, his boos, Jane, notices.

“Karkat,” she says, strolling over to his desk one day when he’s sat there at six at night, mindlessly clicking through numbers on a spreadsheet. “Go. Home.” She leans over his shoulder, and presses the power button on his computer with one long, red acrylic nail. 

“I’m fine, Jane,” he sighs. Terezi will be out until later tonight, he’s sure, and there’s nothing but an empty house waiting for him.

“Karkat, you’re working so much it’s probably illegal,” she says, “Go home. Please. Or I’ll be forced to call your wife and get her to come and get you.”

“No, no, please don’t do that!” Karkat says quickly, and instantly gets up to his feet. “Alright, I’ll go.”

She eyes him slightly suspiciously, but then nods. “Alright. Do you think maybe you should take a day off tomorrow? You seem a bit stressed.”

“No, I’m fine, just tired. I’ll be okay tomorrow.” He gathers his jacket from the back of his seat and pulls it on quickly, and then grabs onto his bag and throws it over his shoulder.

“Get some sleep!” Jane calls after him as he leaves the office, “See you in the morning!”

“See you,” Karkat calls quietly, raising a hand in a vague wave.

He can’t quite bring himself to go home yet, not ready for the empty, silent rooms that he faces everyday. So he just wanders aimlessly along the streets for a while, not even really noticing that it’s gotten dark and cold. Then suddenly a car swerves off of the road, pulling to a stop right by his side, and he jumps back from the bright headlights. He’s about to shout when the window rolls down and a familiar face peers out.

“Karkat!” John shouts with his usual grin, “You only just heading home buddy?”

“Oh, uh, yeah… heading home,” Karkat mutters with a small nod, “Had to stay late.”

“You always stay late,” John says.

“Oh well, you know, married to my work,” Karkat makes an attempt at a joke, but his forced laughter falls flat and echoes weirdly in the oddly silent night-time streets.

“It’s freezing cold,” John says, his eyes following the trail of vapour that Karkat’s breath is forming in the air, “You want a lift?”

“Oh, uh, no I’m fine,” Karkat says, but John fixes him with a stern stare and Karkat just knows he’s not going to get away so easily. “Ugh, fine,” Karkat huffs, stepping out into the road so he can get into the passenger side of the car. “You’re annoying as fuck, you know that, right? What I did to deserve you in my life I can’t tell, but the universe must fucking despise me,” Karkat grumbles as he climbs into the car and pulls the door shut.

John laughs, a warm, infectious laugh that makes Karkat feel warm to the core. Or maybe that’s just the heated seats of his car.

“You’re so funny, Karkat,” he says with a smile and a shake of his head. “So,” he adds, pulling the car away from the kerb and heading off again, “Where am I taking you?”

Karkat rambles off the address to his house without thinking, and takes a few seconds to figure out why John’s staring at him strangely.

“Karkat, that’s miles away,” John says, “And in the opposite direction from work. Why were you walking that way?”

Karkat lets out a heavy sigh, pressing his fingers to his temples and wishing he’d never got in the car. He doesn’t want this conversation to be happening right now. “I just didn’t wanna go home just yet, alright?” He sighs, “Can you just drop it, please?”

“Okay,” John says. He leans forward over the steering wheel slightly as he watches out for passing cars at a junction, then turns around the corner, continuing to drive silently for a second. The lights of passing cars and streetlights glance off his glasses and light up his face, and Karkat gets a little to interested in staring for a second, watching the way John flicks his tongue out of his mouth to wet his cracked lips, before biting down on the bottom one in concentration. It’s far too attractive, and Karkat glances away, staring pointedly out of his window at the trees rushing by instead.

“Hey,” John says after a while, “You, uh… do you wanna go home now, or are you still avoiding that place? Like, if I drop you off there, are you just gonna wander off again?”

“I… don’t know,” Karkat sighs, “Depends.” It depends who’s home, though he doesn’t tell John this part, and he doesn’t question it. If Terezi’s home, he’ll probably go inside, kiss her hello, help her make dinner, watch as she spends the rest of the evening sorting through work notes and sneakily messaging Vriska. If she’s not, he might go in, and he might not. And if he thinks there’s a chance Vriska’s in there with Terezi, he certainly won’t be going in.

“Well, I was gonna suggest… there’s a diner up ahead, we could get coffee, and food, if you want, maybe?” John mutters, “You probably got plans for the night but I thought we could just get to know each other more or -”

“No, no plans,” Karkat interrupts him, “Uh, yeah, I’d like that, I mean.”

John instantly smiles even wider than usual. “Oh! Okay! Great!” He says, “Cool!” Then he falls silent again, and Karkat leans back in his seat with a small smile, listening to the sounds of passing cars and John’s breathing, feeling almost excited about something in his life for the first time in years.

The diner John takes him too is an average diner, all bright, neon lights and cheesy music and servers wearing painfully fake smiles. It’s perfect. Karkat leans back on the cracked, fake leather chair as John surveys a food menu, cradling a mug of bitter coffee in his hands, and stares at the ceiling, where strips of LED lights flicker and a spider pulls a fly slowly into its web. When their server arrives, he’s pulled from his thoughts for long enough to order food, and then he goes straight back to his blank staring.

“Karkat, hey, Karkat,” John calls until Karkat looks over at him, slightly startled. “So, you gonna tell me why you were wandering round the roads or -” he trails off as Karkat shakes his head, “Alright then, uh, tell me about yourself more. I don’t actually know a lot about your life outside of work.”

“Oh, okay,” Karkat says quietly, and spends a few moments trying to work out exactly how to tell John everything without revealing too much. “Uh, I have a wife. Her name’s Terezi, she’s uh… we’ve been friends since we were kids. We were just the emos, the strange kids, you know, and we grew up together. She’s uh, basically my only friend. We have a dog, Pyral, he’s her guide dog. Oh yeah, Terezi’s blind. Doesn’t let it stop her from doing anything though.” He stops for a second to laugh fondly, swallowing back a wave of emotion he hadn’t expected to feel. But talking about Terezi, and everything they’ve been through brings it all back to him.

“She sounds great,” John beams. Either he hasn’t noticed Karkat’s weird behaviour, or he’s kindly deciding to ignore it.

“What about you,” Karkat asks, eager to change the subject, “Got a wife? Husband? Kids?”

John laughs softly, looking down into his drink. “Nah. Single life for me,” he says, but there’s a sadness to the way he says it, and Karkat decides to just stay silent, let him say whatever it is he clearly needs to. “I uh… had a wife, Roxy. Divorced a few years back. We got married young, and it was just a stupid mistake. Now she’s got a wife, funnily enough. We’re still friends though but… yeah, it's not the same.” He laughs harshly, and Karkat tries to think of something to say to try and comfort him, but then their food’s brought over and they both fall silent for a few seconds.

“Sorry,” John says, when they’ve both been picking at their food silently for a while, “You know, for just dumping all my problems on you.”

“It’s alright,” Karkat waves it off quickly, picking a couple of fries up off of his plate and chewing on them slowly.

“It’s not even that bad, you know. I don’t mind being alone, and my family visit a lot,” John says, “I shouldn’t complain, not really.”

“It’s fine, dude,” Karkat assures him, “We’ve all got shit in our lives.” John sips at his soda, and cocks his head at Karkat, nodding at him to continue. Karkat lets out a heavy sigh. Then he just blurts it out.

“Terezi’s cheating on me.”

Soda comes out of John’s nose.

“Oh, god, sorry!” He says, trying to mop up the orange soda that’s spilling down his face with his sleeves. Karkat passes over a bunch of napkins with a laugh, and watches as John does his best to clean up the mess he’s made. “That burned,” he said, “Ouch. Oh, sorry, you just surprised me. Shit, dude, how can you be so calm when you say that?”

Karkat shrugs. “It’s been, like, over a year since I found out,” he says, “It doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“But, she’s your wife,” John protests.

“Barely,” Karkat sighs, “We’re basically just friends that share a bed at this point. I don’t even know if she knows that I know, but she doesn’t seem to care. We’re just living together for the sake of it. It’s not worth the hassle of talking it out with her, you know?”

“Karkat,” John says quietly, “Are you… happy?”

“I guess,” Karkat shrugs, “I just don’t wanna start any arguments. It’s not worth it.”

“No!” John shouts a little too loudly, attracting the attention of some people in the diner. “Karkat. You can’t keep living miserably just because you don’t want to upset your wife. If she’s cheating on you, then why should you have to suffer?”

“I’m not miserable,” Karkat protests, “I’m just… sorta bored, I guess? I don’t know, life’s just been empty recently.”

“Dude, tell her you know. I’m not telling you to break up with her or whatever. But just… you shouldn’t have to just pretend and lie and live all sadly. Oh, oh! That’s why you were walking around alone. You don’t wanna go home.” John looks a little too proud of himself for figuring that one out.

“John, please,” Karkat sighs softly, “I don’t need advice, I’m fine. And yes, I tend to avoid my house. It’s always empty, or Terezi’s creeping around and lying or whatever. It’s easier to just be alone with my own thoughts.”

“Alright, I feel like we should probably change the subject,” John sighs, “I don’t wanna upset you. But, just… if you ever need help, or someone to talk to, or even somewhere to stay for a few days… Just come to me, okay?”

Karkat’s actually a little surprised at that; he’s never had anyone care that much about him before. He hasn’t even had a proper friendship in years. “Thank you,” he says after a few moments, “That’s… great. Thank you.”

John smiles widely, and then leans over to steal a fry from Karkat’s plate with a cheeky smile. “No problem, Karkat,” he says, sticking the fry into the corner of his mouth, “That’s what friends are for!” And at those words, Karkat feels a warmth inside of him that makes it almost impossible for him to stop himself from smiling.

When John drops him back home a while later, there are lights on inside the house in random rooms, which means Terezi’s been wandering around randomly and leaving lights on like she usually does. She’s probably home alone, then. So Karkat strolls inside, and finds Terezi sat on the sofa, Pyral at her feet, listening to an audiobook through her headphones. She pauses it when he taps her gently on the shoulder, and shuffles aside to let him sit down by her side.

“Hey, you’re late,” she says. There’s nothing accusatory in her tone, though, and it’s just a statement. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Karkat mutters, “Caught up with work.” She nods, lowering a hand to stroke Pyral’s head gently as he presses his nose against her knee.

They sit there in silence for a few moments, until Terezi starts to reach for her headphones again. John’s earlier words ring in Karkat’s head. And, back in their house, staring at the grey walls he starts to come to a decision. It’s made when he spots a photo of the two of them hanging on the wall nearby, where they’ve both got their arms around each other, grinning and laughing at the camera. It was when they were newly married, when they were happy and still in love. And Karkat decides then that he wants Terezi to be able to properly feel happy again.

“Tez,” he says, just before she can put her headphones up over her head. She turns towards him, and nods. “Um… okay, uh, I know about,” he says, “About Vriska. I know.”

Terezi’s mouth falls open, and then she instantly bursts into tears. “How long?” She demands, “How fucking long, Karkat? How long have you known?”

“Like a year, Tez. Almost the whole time its been happening. You’re not sneaky.” He attempts a laugh, but it's far too forced.

“Oh shit,” she says, putting her head down into her hands, “I’m such a shitty person. Kar, I’m so sorry.”

Karkat stares at her for a second, tears rolling down her pale skin, and how genuinely distressed she looks. Then he lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s okay, Terezi,” he says gently, and reaches out to put his hands on her shoulders, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I was just…”

“Bored?” Karkat suggests, “Yeah, I get it, Tez. And I don’t blame you. God knows sometimes I’ve thought about doing the same thing sometimes. We were too young Terezi, and we thought dating and marriage was just what we had to do, because people always said we were going to get together back when we were just friends, when we were just tiny kids. I don’t hate you, I don’t even… care, anymore.”

She looks at him like she doesn't believe him, and then slowly leans forwards against chest, his arms instantly coming up to hold her tight. She cries. He doesn't. He can't. All those tears were cried a long time ago, in the private of an empty bedroom whilst Terezi was elsewhere. But he continues to hold her there, and for a while they just talk about it all, about how their marriage is nothing more than a friendship. She apologises more times than Karkat can count, and each time he assures her that he's not angry, that he just wants them to work things out, that everything's going to be okay.

“So… what?” Terezi says quietly after a long time, “What do we do?”

“You deserve to be happy,” Karkat shrugs, “I think… I think you will be happy with Vriska. So, I think we should get divorced Terezi. And I think we need to move on.”

“But… what about you?” Terezi asks, “Karkat, I can’t just leave you.”

“I don’t want you just staying with me for the sake of it. That's not good for either of us.” Karkat sighs, “It’s time to move on finally, Terezi.”

She’s silent for a second, wiping her tears away roughly with one hand, and then she nods. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” she sighs, “I’m sorry, Karkat. I never wanted it to end like this.”

“And yet it has,” he replies quietly. There’s nothing left to say, and so Terezi gets to her feet, the dog instantly bounding up by her side, and leaves the room. And then he finally cries. Even then, it’s only a few tears that roll of his chin slowly and fall onto his knees. He’s already accepted this, already knew it would end. And somehow, he feels more relieved than anything.

Later, he goes upstairs, and crawls into bed when he thinks Terezi’s already asleep. Either she was just pretending to be, or he wakes her up, because the second he lays down she rolls over and bumps her cold feet against his legs.

“Hey, Karkles,” she says softly, her breath warm against his face, “Where were you, earlier? Were you really at work?”

“I went out for a walk. Got picked up by a concerned coworker who spotted me. We got dinner,” Karkat says, “He’s actually the one who convinced me I needed to talk to you, for both of our benefits.”

“Oh yeah?” she says, and he can almost hear how she’s smirking, “A potential boyfriend?”

“Fuck off,” Karkat huffs, blushing slightly just at the thought that John would ever want to date him. He’s probably straight. No; he’s definitely straight.

“Really, dude, gotta get yourself back out in the dating game,” she says, “Unless you want me to be better at romance than you, after all.”

Karkat laughs softly, and shoves her shoulder in the darkness. “Maybe we should get divorced before I start thinking about dating,” he suggests.

“Didn’t stop me,” Terezi jokes, but there’s a sudden heaviness that settles over the two of them as she says it.

They’re silent for a second, and then Karkat kicks out at her gently. “Tez,” he says, “I don’t blame you. I’m not angry. Just wish you’d told me before you did it, that might’ve hurt a bit less.”

“Yeah, sorry,” she sighs softly.

“It’s alright,” Karkat says, “Now, we’ve both got work tomorrow. So sleep, alright?”

“Okay,” Terezi says, “Night Kat.”

“Night,” he calls back, before rolling over onto his back so he’s a slight distance away from her. She reaches out slowly, links her pinky with his, and says nothing more. Laying there in the darkness, it feels like the old times, when they were just friends, just kids, having sleepovers at each others houses. And somehow, that one moment feels better than any parts of their relationship have in a long time.

From that moment on, there’s a weight lifted from Karkat’s shoulders. He feels like he can breathe again, no longer scared to go home to empty or not-so-empty rooms, no longer creeping around, no longer hiding what he knows. Now, Terezi just tells him when she’s going out to see Vriska. She’s home more often, too, often cooking dinners for when he gets home late and renting movies for them to watch together. They rebuild their friendship rather than their marriage, and it works. When the divorce paperwork finally goes through, they’ve decided Terezi can keep the house. For now, though, they’re both still living there, in separate bedrooms, housemates rather than a married couple. But it’s okay. For once, it’s okay.

“I told you it would make things better,” John says when Karkat tells him a few days after talking to Terezi, “Now you get to move on, Karkat.” They’re standing by the water cooler in the office break room, watching carefully to make sure Jane doesn’t catch them not doing their work as they chat. 

“Yeah, I guess you were right,” Karkat says, “I think maybe we can… make it work, you know? Like, we’ll still be friends, like you and your ex.”

“Yeah,” John says, “I’m sure you can. It’s hard but you two clearly care for each other, just like Roxy and I do.” He turns quickly to refill his plastic cup with water again as another colleague walks past. “Oh, and hey,” he adds as he turns back, “Like I said, if things do take a turn for the worst, and you ever need a place to stay, you can always come to me!”

“Thanks, John,” Karkat smiles, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, things will get better.

The divorce takes ages to be finalised, but eventually it does, and Karkat prepares to move out. John offers him the spare room in his apartment, and he takes it. He’s got nowhere else to go, and living with John sounds far better than living alone. And it turns out to be fun. John’s a laugh to live with, despite the constant pranks he pulls that start to irritate Karkat, and the music he plays at all hours of the night. Karkat still can’t help having the occasional more-than-friendly thought about John, but he hides it well, keeps it a secret, and manages to not let it change anything. Everything’s starting to turn out just fine.

Then, when it’s been almost six months since the divorce, everything changes. 

They’re just watching a movie like they always do, and yet, something feels slightly different. Maybe he’s imagining it, but he’s sure John’s sitting closer to him than usual, their thighs pushed together and shoulders brushing, and a few times he glances up and is sure he catches John staring at him.

“You alright?” Karkat asks eventually, during a quiet, slightly boring scene in the movie.

“Yeah, yeah,” John says quickly, turning and pretending to be incredibly interested in the movie. It’s an obvious, and extremely unconvincing, act, but Karkat lets him get away with it, and tries to focus for the last half an hour of the movie. 

But, when it ends, and he gets up to move the empty popcorn bowl to the coffee table, he’s stopped by a hand grabbing onto his wrist. Turning, he looks at John and raises an eyebrow curiously.

“Got a problem, Egbert?” He asks, trying to pretend his voice didn’t just crack very slightly.

“No, no problem here,” John says quietly.

“Can I have my arm back?”

“Actually I… I was going to…” John stares at him for a second, licks his lips nervously, looks at Karkat’s own mouth completely obviously, not even trying to hide it, and gulps audibly. Only then does Karkat really realises what’s going on as it all hits him: all the signs John’s been trying to give him, all the times John’s asked him about if he’ll ever want to date someone again, all the times he’s made bad attempts at flirting that Karkat thought were just jokes. And then Karkat realises that maybe he’s not the only one with concealed feelings.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Egbert, stop making me wait, you’re gonna kill me,” Karkat mutters as John continues to stare at his mouth. John barely even has time to open his mouth to try and voice his confusion before Karkat gives up waiting and dives in to press his lips against John’s.

For a second, John’s frozen, a muffled squeak of surprise making its way out of his mouth, and then he slowly starts to kiss Karkat back, winding his arms around his waist as he does so and pulling Karkat down towards him. Karkat is quick to wind one hand in John’s ridiculously soft hair, pulling at it very gently and using his other hand to cup John’s face. John breaks the kiss far earlier than Karkat likes, though, and sits back, face flushed.

“I… I… I really like you,” John says, picking at his shirt.

“Yeah, no fucking shit,” Karkat laughs breathlessly. He glances nervously at John, taking in his red cheeks and the way his pupils are stretched so wide, before looking back down at his hands. “I like you too, if that wasn’t fucking obvious.”

John laughs delightedly, a sound that sends Karkat’s stomach spiralling down, and then reaches up to grab onto his face slightly too aggressively with both hands.

“Thank god,” he breathes out, “I thought I was going to go crazy not telling you.” He leans his forehead forwards to rest against Karkat’s, his nervous laughter sending warm breath dancing across Karkat’s skin in a way that makes him shudder. John laughs more at that, and sweeps his thumb across Karkat’s lower lip gently.

“Okay, well now you’re the one driving me crazy,” Karkat says, before pushing John backwards against the sofa cushions and crashing their mouths together again. 

Falling in love with John is nothing like it was with Terezi. It’s sudden and surprising and completely overwhelming. But John’s patient, and kind, and so loving that sometimes it shocks Karkat. He knows Karkat’s still learning, knows he’s rusty when it comes to new romance, and never uses this against him. And when it all gets too much for Karkat, John’s happy to just sit and hold him in his arms, whispering to him quietly and wiping away his tears until things start to feel just a little better again. It’s still so new, and Karkat’s sure everyday he’s going to muck something up, and ruin everything. But then John will step up behind him, wrap his arms around his waist and press a kiss to the back of his neck, murmuring quietly that everything will be okay. And he thinks maybe John might be right.

Their apartment is small, and slightly broken, and the wallpaper’s peeling in places. There’s no white picket fence, no dog lounging on a sunny porch, no textbook perfect family. There’s just him, and John, and John’s lizard, Casey, in a tiny apartment. And that’s perfect for Karkat. Because really, that’s all he’s ever wanted. And it’s all he needs when he know John loves him more than he thought anyone ever could.

Their bedroom walls are a horrible shade of beige. Karkat thinks he might ask John if they can paint them blue.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: this fic has a theme song it was based on: Green by Cavetown. It was also heavily influence by Fool by Cavetown. Both songs are great and I recommend listening to them (especially Green) to get a feel of where this fic came from (also just because they're good songs and cavetown and is an amazing artist)
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this. I really wanted to try and represent a break up that wasn't bad, or upsetting, just that drifting away from each other that occurs more commonly than people seem to think. This started off as a more poetic piece (hence the first lines being weird like that) but I developed it into something longer because I realised I'd actually started something good.


End file.
